Friday, February 1, 2008

In the cool cool shade of the evening...

Last Breeze 16 x 20 Oil on Masonite


Winter's chill is doing a wonderful job of avoiding us here in Virginia this year. But still my heart is cold. We have rain today and its slightly gray out. I took a walk in the mist this morning and tried to find that thing that has always driven me to survive, to seach for more, my own voice to express and to explore. I find it sadly lacking right now. My creative juices are stirred by love and loving.

My dearest friend in the world pointed out to me yesterday that I have always had the soul of a care-giver. I need to be needed. I need to feel that I make a difference to someone's life. I need to be more than a convenience or a responsibility. My introspective and reclusive nature really is geared towards re-charging my batteries so that I have enough to give others. Somehow though I seem to have lost the knack for caring enough for me.

In some ways it really is a matter of setting boundaries. How much do I give? How much to do I accept. No matter how little it may seem to be meeting my real needs, am I really willing to give up the thing at hand that I am sure of to once again traipse off into the unknown and recreate a new life. AGAIN? Loving someone can be the most wonderfula nd joyfilled thing in the world. But how do you Unlove someone?

Guess I better get back to work. I have committments and the only way to continue being an artist (same with being an adult, I guess...) is to show up and do the work.

Until next time

Create Beauty and fill the world with Love.